You know those Mama posts as you are scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, those “ I’m gonna stand here with my thousand dollar outfit and my kids looking like they just came out of a magazine gleefully smiling away or kissing mama’s cheek” posts. The posts that make you think “I’d like to be that mama someday! I need a new wardrobe, I’d love to look that good! My kids need new clothes, or why can’t my kids be that sweet or calm?”
Well ladies, I wish all that! I’m guilty of looking at their clothes and thinking “how pretty do they look?! And how fit!” But reality sets in and I realize I’m the normal mom over here budgeting for clothes, food, and just everyday needs. I throw on the same pair of jeans I have had for several years that still fit comfortably around my flabby skinned mama belly, that $8 old navy shirt that doesn’t cling to that said mama belly flab, and a belt so my jeans don’t fall off while picking up the toys sprawled across my floor for the upteenth time today. I put on makeup to feel like I am alive after a night of little to no sleep. I have gotten a 3min shower and I dream about a long soak in a tub. I live on little money and a heck of a lot of Faith. So yes, sometimes I wish I were that well put together mama in front of that white super clean backdrop or in that gorgeously laid out nursery, but for reals, would I trade this life for that? Heck No! I’m sure it’s not all rosey as it looks over there and those kids had 5 or 6 tantrums before or after that picture was taken. In this very social media age today, it’s easy for us mamas to compare ourselves to other moms. I have to remind myself all the time that God has so blessed me with the life I have, I have clothes on my back, shoes on my feet, my kids are well fed and healthy and so am I, we are able to pay our bills, we have a gorgeous apt that we live in, wonderful neighbors, clean water, and wonderful kiddos. We may have debts, we may not be able to afford the finest clothes, the fancy foods, the gorgeous house, a nice date nigh, BUT we do have so much more than so many other families have. I am reminded of the trips I took to Guatemala not so many years ago and how they live in the Mayan jungles. I remember walking into one home doing hut to hut evangelism and their baby was hanging in a blanket ON THEIR WALL <---That was the baby’s crib. It was dark inside with mud floors and it was all one big open room with just hammocks hanging from the beams above. This is their life and I’m over here dreaming about new clothes and my kids looking like models in pictures?
I say all this because I’m being honest about the mama life. Not all of us can have the Joanna Gaines dream home or the super stylish kiddos or the hip mama wardrobe, but what we can have are the real life moments with our kids and teach them what’s important in life. They can see a real mama who loves them beyond measure and a Dad who loves them so much he works so very hard to make ends meet. God gives us mana for today. So, when you are dreaming of being that super sexy stylish mama, just know you are beyond perfect the way that you are. Your kids will remember what all you did, not what all you wore. We are all mamas raising our kids to be the best they can be! I’m not saying let yourself go, I’m just saying it’s ok if you have a Walmart or second hand wardrobe. Don’t let the world beat you down. There are far more important things in this life, And you are raising them.
Saturday, September 9, 2017
Where do I begin? Well, let's just say that I'm in denial that my Caed is turning 3. I have made his "2" year appointment only to be corrected that it's his 3 year appointment and then after I got off the phone I put it down on our calendar as his "2" year appointment. I'm not claiming preggo brain for this one, just denial. I refuse to except that he is growing up and that it's been 3 years since I brought him into this world. He has definitely hit the more emotional age where one second he is all smiles and laughter and the next he could be wailing away. He and his brother have very few sweet moments and when they happen, I just sit and watch and soak it in. They are usually screaming and pushing each other and such is life with boys so close in age. One day they will all be best buds. Caedmon, couldn't be any smarter though! He loves puzzles and fixing and building things! His mind is always going and now his mouth as well and that part gets annoying at times but we have waited so long that it's so fun to hear all the words he knows and sentences he is putting together. As we always say, he has a personality that far surpasses his height. People make many comments about "oh look at the baby!" "Aww he can talk!" "Look at the baby walking" or a 3 year old girl who came up to him in the buggy and, I swear she looked 5yo, well she starts "talking to the the baby" and her grandmother looks at me and apologizes for her just walking up because "she is only 3", I didn't tell her Caed's age or that would have made her feel even worse, since he literally was a third of her size. But, I knew from the beginning that with every year of Caed's life would come more comments etc. on his height and smallness. I also knew from the beginning that I wouldn't take offense at every comment people made. I want to be a role model for my son, to not get his feathers all ruffled so easily. He will be taught to stand up for himself, yes, but he will also be taught to educate people and practice patience and understanding rather than just acting out of immediate emotions. Yes, people will say mean and nasty things but understanding that to act out of anger just plays right into their hands. That's what they want. Getting offended at every "little" thing is not how I want to raise my child. Yes, he is special but so are people with black skin, white skin, Asians, Mexicans, People with Down syndrome, and people that are super tall, etc. That's what makes the human race so beautiful! Understanding that some people just don't/can't understand that, is key. I haven't run into a person yet who has made a negative comment about my son. Most people think he's the coolest little dude and ask questions and I'm always glad to answer! Telling his story brings me joy because his journey is our greatest learning experience as parents. Caed stretches us daily and I know he has helped me to be a more mature individual and overcome my fears. I always hated docs, hospitals, calling people, handling insurance issues etc. and now I'm my son's biggest advocate talking to Docs all the time, educating most on his diagnosis, spending time in Hospitals, and tackling lovely Insurance when necessary. God has used Caed to shape us as parents and people and our prayer is that we can train him up to see what a gift he is to the world and that his life has a purpose. God has already used him to touch so many lives! I look forward to the many years ahead as God uses Caed to glorify Him and spread the joy and love of Christ through that goofy charming smile and personality of his. But, please slow down time a little. We love you Caedmon more than you will ever know! You are an amazing big bro who deeply cares for others even if somedays it doesn't shine through as much. You have the sweetest heart and you love and laugh so hard. I can't believe you are three. Stay strong and stay goofy always, sweet boy!
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
This is going to be a short post but it's heavy on my heart so thought I would put it to words and post it! Also it's short because time is very limited these days! So, I may get a blog post in every month now haha! Just reality. So I hope all you mamas are doing well and hanging in there! Love and much coffee to all of you!
As Spring and Summer weather has set in, it's that time of year that we hit up the parks and kid friendly places! Being a Stay at Home Mom during the winter months can be exhausting trying to entertain your kiddos and also keep them from germs especially having a child who's immune system isn't all that great. So, we hibernate a good bit during the winter months. When the first sign of Spring hits the air it's like heaven!!! Let's go outside kiddos!!!
As a mom of a special needs child(Achondroplasia, dwarfism), this time of season brings many struggles. Park Play dates are usually short lived due to a child that wears out super fast because he can't go at the same pace as an average height/build kid his age can. He also overheats fast. So please don't take our having to leave an hour into a play date as a "we aren't enjoying this". We love parks and playing! Also as a mom of a special kiddo, I have to be ever present wherever he goes on a playground due to his stature. It's hard for him to maneuver the big play equipment and bigger kids. So, a play date means a very busy active time for me as well 😜 I apologize that I can't sit and talk. I would love too but making sure my child stays alive is priority one.
And to the moms of kids who have questions about my kid and why he is so small, bring them to me and ask me and I will answer those questions. Please don't hush your child if they point and laugh at my son or point out that he's different. Hushing them does nothing but separate them from my son and comes across as "no don't talk about them" and that results in them not wanting to interact with people like him. I know it's embarrassing as a mom to have your kid vocalize their thoughts about others, but that's good! Let's break the barrier of awkwardness. Our children are all learning and let's provide them with those teaching moments. I would love to explain in "kid" form why Caed is different. I am preparing myself for all the comments that come flooding in around this time of the year and especially now that Caed is older. I don't take offense at the comments but I do look at it as an opportunity to spread awareness and Caed's coolness.
So, as a mom to my cool kid Caed, and I speak for all the moms of special need kids, whether dwarfism, autism, or Down's syndrome, etc. We want to educate others on how special our kid's are, so allow us those opportunities before judging, making a negative comment, or hushing your child for finding that our child is different. They are curious little minds. Let's set good examples of love for people all shapes, sizes, colors, and mental states. It starts with you. Our children are watching and listening. Let's be the change in this world.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Ok, sorry it has been so long since my last post. This post goes right along with why that is. We Stay at Home Moms actually do things! (Whaaaaaaat?!!) We don't just sit around popping bonbons watching soaps, well at least I don't. One of the things that really gets to me is people asking me to be a consultant to this or that or asking us to do other random stuff because well, they don't have time and I'm a stay at home mom, I have time I need extra money.
One, I don't have time. Two I don't need the extra money. My husband and I weighed the pros and cons of me staying home with our kids and I knew when I was very young that I wanted to stay home with my kids one day. My husband works hard to provide for us and I shouldn't feel guilty for not adding to our income. I am adding more than money can, by staying home and raising and teaching our children. I chose to designate 100% of my time to MY CHILDREN. One day I will be able to pursue something that I also love to do and adds to our income, but until my kids graduate I will be giving them 100% of my attention. I also keep our house clean and running smoothly. Many people ask how I keep my house so clean, well I believe highly in time managing. Yes, I may be sleep deprived to an extent due to not napping when my kids nap, but I can go to sleep at night knowing my house is in order and ready for the next day. You can juggle kids and cleaning. If you are a stay at home mom there is not excuse for your house to look like a war zone! (Except for preggo or medical issues) I probably would fit better back in the day when women cooked cleaned and were always dressed and ready for the day. Chilling in your PJs all day was unacceptable. I feel like more and more we become a lazy generation. Messy buns, yoga pants, and oversized sweats and sweatshirts are acceptable. Don't get me wrong I like all those things I just can't stay in them all day! Guess that comes from growing up a PK with our house being the parsonage right next door and anyone just popped in anytime they liked. Call me old school. My kids are happy and so am I and my husband. I know not everyone isn't crazy about cleaning etc...and each family is different. This post isn't meant to guilt anyone. This post is to inform those who don't know any better that we stay at home mom's do DO THINGS!! Our lives are just as busy as a working mom's life because we ARE WORKING! We are getting up at all hours to feed a baby many times at night, we wake when they wake, we are surrounded by constant drool, spit up, poopy diapers, a constant talking/babbling/whining/thrashing/bipolar toddler, a teething and sleep deprived baby, our bosses are very demanding and always keep us on our toes, literally, by dodging sharp toys and cleaning the same toys up a gazillion times a day. We vacuum(at least once a day), sweep, wipe toilets, clean up foods and bodily fluids wiped/smeared across and on anything and everything. We cook and we meal plan and we coupon and we shop! We work too, just we may not get paid in green very valuable paper. We get paid in smiles, coos, hugs, slobbery kisses, watching milestones met, watching when things finally click, watching them walk across a stage and being handed a diploma, and the "thank you mom for everything" at the end of their schooling and the beginning of their independent path ahead. These 18years are so very short and I don't want to miss a moment of their life when I am blessed to be able to stay home with them. So, please don't take it as an insult when I say no to things. My kids have 100% of my attention for now. Yes, one day I would like to take on something fun for some extra mula. But not now, I'm a busy mama raising my very busy boys.
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
When you become a parent of two, you quickly realized how easy your life was with one. Don't get me wrong, life with one is ridiculously hard! With your first kid you are learning so so much! Everything is new and if you have never been around babies, google becomes your best friend! My google search probably read like this "how many breaths does a newborn take, what's colic, what color should a newborn's poop be, how to comfort gassy baby, how to help baby poop, constipated newborn, dwarfism, 3wk growth spurt, growth spurt chart, how to not lose my mind during a several hour newborn cryfest" lol You get the picture. You worry about the slightest things and change their diapers every 2 seconds and have the burp cloth ALWAYS on you or within reach to catch the very slightest little dribble from their absolutely adorable little smiley mouths. It takes 20mins to get everything and their bedroom packed up for a 15min grocery run and you are a frazzled but glowing with the "I'm a new mom" glow. You get home and you sleep when baby sleeps and soak in all the snuggles and kisses and coos and smiles. After a year of all this sweetness, you decide, "hey let's have another! How hard can a second one be! I've got this parent thing down!"
BAM!!!! You bring new baby home and your sweet little firstborn child seems to have grown a whole year in maturity between the time you went into the hospital and the time you brought the new addition home. You stare at them wondering "where in the world did my baby go?" They seem so big compared to that small newborn in your arms. You feel complete but yet so very sad and somewhat bitter by what you just did. You love that new baby in your arms beyond measure but you also are heartbroken by the fact you just had your first baby become a big boy/girl. Your little duo is now a trio. Then, you think to yourself, "there is only one of me and now two of them!". You now get to learn what REAL multitasking is. You will be amazed at what all you can do while holding a crying baby and toddler around your feet. You learn what TRUE sleep deprivation is. Yeah you thought you knew with your first, that was just a teaser 😜 Kiss naps goodbye because your kids have devised a plan against you, where one sleeps while the other makes sure mom/dad doesn't. Also they cry together!! Always! And it never fails, when you have to pee so bad the baby will need feeding and the toddler would have pooped, so now your baby is ballistic, your toddler is crying because the baby is crying, and your living room now smells like a dozen rotten eggs and you are about to pee in your pants. I look back and laugh at how I thought parenting just one child was so hard! I look at these mamas with 4,5 and 6 kids, and man, nothing but respect ladies!!! I'm sure it does get easier though after the third especially when your oldest is old enough to help. It's having kiddos close in age(which is what we wanted) it is just really hard but I wouldn't trade any of these hard moments for the world. It is a difficult transition from 1-2 and I know it has to be especially hard with a third because you and your husband are now outnumbered. No more "you take him/her and I'll get him/her". You don't pick favorites of course but you learn to asses the situation and then prioritize the needs at the moment and decide who stands/walks and who gets held. With each child comes a whole new ballgame especially depending on that new addition's personality. We have been so very thankful and blessed that our second is so chill. Yes, he has his moments but he is rather easy. Total opposite of our first. We love our family of four though!
To the mama about to be a mama of two(which I know there are many of you) don't feel guilty for missing those special days with just you and your first born. Cherish those memories. Remind yourself of those memories and then remind yourself that you get to now experience it all again, just this time with another sweet little one. The first 2mnths are hard and you will cry and feel pulled between both kiddos and feel like there isn't enough of you to go around. You will feel like you are expecting too much of your oldest and feel guilty for not giving them enough attention. Remember, it is all a growing and learning process for all of you. Take your time! No need to rush to be a super mom! It's a transition process, emotionally, physically, and mentally for ALL of you. You will get there. For now, soak in all those firstborn snuggles and make memories. It all changes so fast. And SLEEP! Lol as much as you can. It's not all rosy but it is the best feeling ever when you see those two kiddos together. The best gift you will ever give your child is their sibling, their best friend. They may not realize it now but they will one day. ❤
Sunday, January 29, 2017
I had finally put our Walmart trip off long enough, all week actually, so off we go down the mountain to pick up a few necessities ( you know brownies cause I'm craving chocolate and too lazy to make some, and other "needs") We start the process of venturing in after all the parking spot searching(closest spot to the store and near a buggy return). I unfold myself out of the car and sling the car seat over my arm and then lift the toddler up onto my God given baby seat(my hip). We grab a cart and make our way in. Lots of avoiding certain aisles and budgeting in my head if we need this now or if it can wait until payday. Finally, we make it out alive. A lot of emotions go into a grocery trip, excitement(yay! other human beings!, anxiety(hoping the baby stays asleep and no upper or lower eruptions occur), sadness(maybe one day I can buy all this junk food and not gain weight), and then impatience and anger(Self Check out machine that has a mind of it's own + a crying baby and whining toddler). But we made it back to the car with everyone still alive. I get the boys in the car and get so excited that there isn't a car on my side, so I can get in with ease! I push the buggy to the cart return and BAM! A car had pulled in and now I have to wait until they get out so I can get in. So I stand there. An older gentleman steps out of the drivers side and apologizes for me having to wait on his wife. I reassure him that "it's totally fine". He walks to his wife's door and instead of opening her's he opens mine. My jaw dropped. He looks at me with a smile and says "here you go dear, after you" I was in such shock. I can't remember the last time a (car) door had been opened FOR ME. I thanked him and hopped in. I was glowing! I then watched as his wife sat patiently as he opened her door next. Such a sweet man and it absolutely made my whole trip worth the headache!
This action had me thinking about how it's so sad that chivalry is not dead, but it sure is dying. How sad that many women don't get to experience these sweet actions. We women and men have begun such a battle of the sexes with comparing each other and trying to be equals. We have come across like we are too good for such a treatment or "I can get the door myself! I am capable", I'm guilty of this. Growing up with four brothers I always had to be on my "A" game and kick some butt ;) It always felt weird when a door was opened for me. I guess now that I'm older and have boys of my own I realize it is a sign of great respect and not belittlement.
Now, entrusted with raising two boys, I want to instill in them the great respect of women. Here are a few things that come to mind.
• Respect for Adults
They will always refer to adults as "Mr., Ms., and Mrs." And answer with "yes ma'am and a yes sir"
Please if my child refers to you with any of these do not discourage them from doing so. In our world today too many kids have lost the respect of adults and many parents have allowed their children to be on the same level. I have found that this results in disobedience and much lack of respect for authority. I grew up referring to adults as Mr. Ms., Mrs, Yes ma'am and sir, and I can't tell you how many times people asked me not to refer to them as such because it made them "feel old" well you are "older" and it is a sign of respect, so please take it as such.
• Respect for Meals Provided
(The Dreaded Supper Struggle)
Man cannot live on chicken nuggets and pizza alone, hence why he created women. You may not be the best cook in the world but you do cook a meal for your family, whether it's running to bojangles and waiting in a long line of other desperate last minute meal mamas(guilty, yes me!), crockpot prep bright and early in the morning, or slaving over the oven most of the day. That meal took time, effort, and much patience as you juggle kids and prepare yourself for the picky eaters to come. Too many times men take for granted their wives and all that goes into a meal for the family. I was taught that whoever prepared the meal everyone else had the cleanup detail. As my boys get older, I want to strive to instill in them the attitude of appreciation for whatever meal is sat before them(whether they like it our not) their meal will end with a "thank you" and "let's start the dishes". Of course it may not sound that chipper, but you get the picture. The most attractive thing to a woman is a man in the kitchen! I'm all about raising a boy to be proud to be a man in the kitchen one day!
• Respecting Himself and Working Hard to be a Man Worthy of Respect.
We want to raise our boys to be hard working men willing and able to provide for a family some day. If the wife were to choose to stay home with the kids, she would be more than able to. I want them to know the worth of a dollar and how sitting around playing video games won't get you anywhere. We as a family don't own any sort of video game devices. My child is addicted enough to the iPad I hate to see how he would be with video games So, I have instigated the "no video game devices in our home" rule(don't worry I won't judge your family, different rules for different households).I know though, you are probably thinking "well that's really mean, what kind of mom does that?!" "I bet she will take the tv away next!" Well it's been a thought With educating my kids at home, It would get rid of any distractions for both my children and me. So don't be shocked if it happens! My husband may die but, I think he'll live to appreciate it. It will encourage more creative thinking for the kiddos and better family bonding. In this tech savvy world today family bonding is needed.
• Respect for Women in General
Opening doors, giving up a seat, flowers "just because", and random acts of kindness and love shown to women are the greatest encouragers to us women to remind us to be the best we can be because we are loved, respected, and deeply appreciated. As a mom of boys, I want to raise this next generation of men to be just that, men. It may be a lot of unreal expectations but we are up for this challenge. God did not give us these boys for no reason. As I said before in my last post. I'm raising my future. I'm doing this for the future women they come in contact with whether it be random strangers or their wives one day. May they be as blessed as I was when that elderly man opened my door. Change starts with you as their parent.
I'm honored to say that my boys have many men in their lives who are excellent role models. From many uncles, to grandpas, to a hardworking father. My boys will know what hard work and provision for family, looks like. I am superbly blessed to have a husband who provides just enough for me to stay home with our boys and who is an active role in raising them to be great men. It's time more men stood up and realized the treasures they have in their wives and the legacy they want to leave behind. It's time for boys to become men.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
I am a Stay at Home Mom, I was not robbed of my dreams, my future, or my goals in life. I am daily living them out and watching them soar.
"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see." Neil Postman, The Disappearance of childhood
The world tells us to live our dreams, achieve our goals, and the measure of a person is that of their achievements and of their successes. "Children will just slow you down." "Make the most of your life without kids because when you have them, your life is over". I hate to break it to you, but having a child is the beginning of the best life you will ever have! Exhausting yes, and self sacrificing, yes, but oh so worth it!
I am a stay at home mom(SAHM). I may not have the most money in the world, I may not have seen a great majority OF the world, I may not be able to sleep in, stay up late and party the night away, I may not have gone to college, I may not have experienced all the world has to offer, BUT, I get to hold my whole world in my arms each night and wake up to my future each day. My children are my greatest achievement, THEY are my future, THEY are the message I want to send to the rest of the world that I may never see.
Does being a stay at home Mom make me feel like a lesser person? Some days, yes. The world has yet to realize the blood, sweat, and tears that go into being a stay at home mom. We are beaten down and made to feel lesser of a woman because we aren't out working and adding to our family's income. We are beaten down and made to feel lesser of a woman by those that think we aren't able to educate our children properly and socially. We are beaten down to feel lesser of a woman because we have chosen to forsake our careers and raise our children. This is the part that most working mom's do not see and the truth that many working mom's do not hear about being a SAHM. Being a SAHM is not only physically and mentally draining but also emotionally draining. We daily have to battle the definition of a Mom in the world's eyes. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against working moms. I have the utmost respect for them. I just wish the world had as much respect for SAHMs as it does for working moms. We have chosen to swim against the current and the harder and harder it gets as the journey goes.
This subject has been heavy on my heart, so I decided to tweak my original blog from one dedicated to my son and his special journey to one of our whole family's special journey as we raise our boys and travel down this ever winding road of parenthood/motherhood. It is meant to be an encouragement to other fellow SAHMs, special needs moms, and mom's in general because motherhood is hard, but we moms are strong enough to handle it most days and we do need encouragement and need to stick together. We all need to know that we are loved, respected, and important.
To you SAHM, I say this, we may be beaten down for our choice of forsaking our careers or not going to college and pursuing being a stay at home Mom as your dream job. You are not lesser of a woman. You are raising your future. You have one of the most important jobs in the whole world, considering it is the hardest job. Don't be beaten down by the worlds standards of a Mom. Be encouraged by God's great calling on your life.
To you working moms, don't be discouraged and feel like a lesser Mom because you have to work to help provide for your family. You are important! I respect you and know it is heart wrenching to have to leave your child each day and to miss out on many things, but know that what you are doing is respected. I wish that everyone that desires to stay home with their child could, but I know that in many cases that isn't possible. I don't take for granted my being able to and I'm thankful that I can. It does not make you any lesser of a Mom in any case. ❤ Motherhood is a hard road with many different twists and turns but we are all headed in the same direction, that of raising our children to be the best they possibly can be. May we all respect and encourage each other on this journey. Much Love to You All!